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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Spotted on X:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

Breaking via Telegram:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Going bananas on Instagram:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Shared recently on X:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Trending via X:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

2 months ago

0

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal dilemma of the chocolate lover – to eat or not to eat, that is the question! 🍫💭 One piece leads to another, and before you know it, you're on a delightful journey to chocolatey happiness! 🤣 Embrace the sweet temptation and enjoy the delicious energy boost one piece at a time!"

another, chocolate, energy, enough, humor, indulgence, just, motivation, piece, snack, sweets, take, temptation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

0

2 months ago

date, dating, drainage, expectations, humor, optimism, optimistic, pool, relationships
The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

0

2 months ago

child, confusion, dog, family, humor, husband, noise, sleep, snoring, WTF
Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

0

2 months ago

avocado, eat, food, funny question, humor, moth, question, sandwich, sweater, tried
When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

0

3 months ago

box, breakfast, cereal, cereal box, childhood, humor, i, just, kid, nostalgia, phone, phones, read, reading, tablet, technology
I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

0

2 months ago

before, creativity, expression, fun, going, humor, i, joke, just, lie, literally, love, phrase, pretend, say, saying, something, speech, streets
Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

0

2 months ago

commitment, fitness, focus, gym, humor, i, irony, prison, properly, sarcasm, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Discord this month:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

82 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

79 shares on Threads this month:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,696

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Making waves on TikTok:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Shared recently on WeChat:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Seen just now on Slack:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Going bananas on TikTok:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Shared recently on Discord:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

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