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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Making waves on WeChat:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Breaking via Twitch:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Going viral on Discord:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Live now on Telegram:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my motivation hears ASAP: Assemble Sloths At Party 🦥🎉

acronym, ASAP, humor, irony, management, mean, procrastination, slow, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

0

2 months ago

alternative, alternative theory, conspiracy, Earth, flat, flat earth, hollow, hollow earth, humor, joke, satire, theory, too, where
Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

0

2 months ago

age, airline, humor, just, number, priority, queue, seating, travel
I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

0

2 months ago

am, bed, fatigue, humor, i, irony, lunch, night, rest, tired, wish, work
I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

0

2 months ago

burpees, exercise, fitness, found, humor, just, motivation, no pain, pain, procrastination, workout
Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, brag, confidence, humor, i, need, self-deprecation, stupid
I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

0

2 months ago

distraction, disturb, do not disturb, focus, humor, i, life, peace, put, whole, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

41 shares on X this month:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

71 shares on X this month:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Going viral on Instagram:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Going viral on WeChat:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Going viral on Discord:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨