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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Shared recently on Telegram:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Making waves on Snapchat:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

18 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about quitting dating apps to find love in World of Warcraft.

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Commentary:
Leveling up my love life one quest at a time! 💘🎮🧙‍♂️

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55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

49 shares on Discord this month:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Freshly posted on X:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Trending via Messenger:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Spotted on WeChat:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Shared recently on Threads:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

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Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

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Activity Log ✨

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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