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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Just landed via Twitch:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Just shared via Snapchat:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Going bananas on Slack:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Making waves on Slack:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Trending via Pinterest:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

0
“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.
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Commentary:
Oh, we've gone way beyond delusional and straight into the realm of extreme fantasy 🧙‍♂️! Calling these folks delusional would be like saying a hurricane is just a light breeze 💨. It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole… with a bulldozer 🚜! We might need to invent a whole new word for these visionary individuals 🤪!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

53 shares on X this month:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

90 shares on Discord this month:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,522

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Making waves on Threads:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Going viral on Telegram:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Just landed via Twitch:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Trending via Facebook:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

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