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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Trending via Facebook:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Just shared via X:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Going bananas on Facebook:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Just shared via Facebook:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Live now on WeChat:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Live now on Pinterest:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Trending via Instagram:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Your cat's got you locked into a daily coffee-and-birdwatching contract, and there's no escaping it! ☕️🐦😹

activity, balcony, bird, birds, cat, coffee, companion, course, every, funny interaction, i, interaction, me, morning, outdoor, outdoor activity, pet, pet companion, routine, say, sit, watch, yes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

0

2 months ago

clicking, court, distraction, honor, humor, judge, minute, pen, times, trial
Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

0

2 months ago

am, day, humor, i, identity, just, laziness, sleepy
Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

0

5 months ago

age, berry, choice, dying, foraging, humor, irony, life, life choice, nonsense, survival, wild
Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

0

2 months ago

Chinese, Chinese government, energy, every, government, humor, me, morning, power, ray, sarcasm, sleepy, sleepy ray, turned, wakefulness
Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

0

3 weeks ago

being, dating, drunk, flirt, little, nightlife, only, relationship, single, sucks, want
They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

0

1 month ago

broccoli, cake, comparison, dessert, effort, fix, food, humor, least, problem, problems, say, sugar, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Discord this month:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

61 shares on Twitch this month:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

43 shares on Twitch this month:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

88 shares on Discord this month:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Spotted on Twitch:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Making waves on Messenger:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Making waves on Instagram:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨