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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Trending via YouTube:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Just landed via Discord:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Going viral on WeChat:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Going viral on Twitch:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Trending via Threads:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

5 months ago

0

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to sound smart but secretly consulting my phone like it's the dictionary hotline 📞🤔😂"

big, big word, case, dictionary, every, Google, humor, i, internet, just, know, language, meaning, time, vocabulary, want, word

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

0

2 months ago

bleed, country, day, election, humor, irony, patriot, period, true
Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

0

2 months ago

fortune, humor, joke, May, me, money, month, next, wish
Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

0

3 weeks ago

before, driving, green, green light, hours, humor, i, light, marriage, me, patience, relationship, sit, stoplight, tell, waiting
If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

0

2 months ago

alone, better, left, likes, person, type
People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

0

2 months ago

back, bad, fear, fruit, having, humor, me, much, people, please, scare, sugar, talk, too, wicked, witch
Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

0

2 months ago

drama, family, family drama, hands, holiday, holiday stress, humor, secret, secret family, stress, time, worst, worst time, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

90 shares on Threads this month:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

27 shares on Discord this month:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

98 shares on Discord this month:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The first step to recovery is addiction.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,547

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Trending via X:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Going bananas on X:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Just landed via Instagram:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Broadcasted on X:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

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