103 Funny Christmas quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's banking on their vocal talents to sleigh the retirement game! 🎤🎅 Who needs a 401(k) when you've got jingle bells and high notes to back you up? 🎶😄 #RockinAroundTheRetirementPlan"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

  Commentary:
  😂🎄 "Ah, the classic Christmas eve panic, where last-minute shopping becomes an extreme sport! 'Well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner' is like the holiday version of 'I told you so!' ❄️ Pro tip: stock up on eggnog and patience for those who find themselves in this jolly predicament!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

  Commentary:
  🎄🛍️ "Quick, someone sound the jingle bells and grab the tinsel! Only 365 shopping days left until Christmas – time to start panicking, folks! Remember, the early shopper gets the best deals… and a lot less stress come December 😉🎅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa might need a bit of a challenge this Christmas! 🎅🦹‍♂️ Watch out for Wario trying to steal the spotlight from the Grinch! 🌟😈 This holiday season, it's all about who can cause the most chaos and mischief! 🎄🃏

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

  Commentary:
  "Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

  Commentary:
  Oh, the hidden truth behind Christmas decorations! 🎄✨ Decking the halls while conveniently ignoring the dust bunnies – now that's the holiday spirit! 🎅🏼✨ Just add a bit of glitter, and no one will even notice the neglected cleaning duties! ✨🎁✨

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  5 months ago

  Share →: At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa's got a side hustle as a debt collector! 🎅📜💸 Better pay up or your gifts might just be coal this year! 😂🎁 #HohohoFunds

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Mother Nature can't decide between winter and spring, but hey, why not enjoy the holiday spirit all year round? 🎄❄️ Who needs a Christmas in July when you can have Christmas in March? 🤣 #MotherNatureMakeUpYourMind"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

  Commentary:
  "Well, it looks like even the Coca Cola truck needs a vacation from the heat! 🎄❄️☀️ Who knew it had a summer break too? Maybe it's off chilling on a beach somewhere, sipping on a cold Coke! 🏖️🥤 #SunsOutTrucksOut"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a Christmas party when you can have a solo dance party in your pajamas at home? 🎄💃 Can't argue with the perks of being self-employed! 😉 #PartyOfOne"

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