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New funny quotes: 13418 this month

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Updated: May 28, 2026

 

 

 

 

144 Funny diet quotes

Funny diet quotes bring a humorous spin to the often challenging world of dieting! 🥗😂 From playful takes on cravings to witty observations about healthy eating, these quotes offer a light-hearted look at the ups and downs of dieting. Enjoy a laugh as you navigate your nutritional goals! 😄🍏

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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