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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The book characters may be fictional, but my emotional instability over them is real.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,364

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Just landed via Reddit:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Trending via Instagram:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Trending via WeChat:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

16 Funny fairy tale quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

44 shares on Discord this month:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

17 shares on X this month:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Being strange is exhausting.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Hang in there, it gets worse.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Breaking via Telegram:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Seen just now on X:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Making waves on Instagram:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

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