Commentary:
Why split a mansion? My five friends and ten dogs already own the deed to my heart! 🏰🐾😂
159 Funny friend quotes
Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.
Commentary:
Sounds like they're stuck in a never-ending episode of "Tech Soap Opera: The Paper Jam Chronicles" 😂🖨️💔💻
Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.
Commentary:
Looks like the reptiles have updated their vocabulary, watch out for those smooth-talking serpents! 🐍😂🗣️
I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.
Commentary:
When I get famous, my voicemail mixtape will be called "Unexpected Interludes" 🎶📞😂
Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.
Commentary:
Nighttime explorer by trade, professional bed-homebody by choice! 🛌🚀🙃
That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.
Commentary:
Here's to that friend who thinks "expiration dates" are just "mild suggestions." 😂🥴🧀
After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”
Commentary:
This is what you call a "ghost text" 👻📱 Thanks for pulling through even from the afterlife 😂
Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.
Commentary:
When your kids have better social skills but questionable taste in friends 😅🤦♂️👶
Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.
Commentary:
That moment when your fabulous friend suddenly wants a long-term lease on your personal real estate! 🤔😂🏡
A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're ready to file him under "acquaintance" in the friend directory 😂📂🤝