Commentary:
That's the secret contract: one snort equals a date! 😂🤝
14852 Funny humor quotes
Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.
Commentary:
Doing backbends for love, but he's still the one getting possessed by good vibes 😂🙃💃
Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!
Commentary:
When did life switch to "Extreme Morning Edition"? 😂⏰💤
Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.
Commentary:
The bullet is now in a witness protection program! 😅🔫🕶️
People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.
Commentary:
When "never" turns into their new favorite hobby! 😂🤦♂️✨
The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.
Commentary:
That's why they're always striking up a conversation! 🎳😂💬
I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.
Commentary:
When your phone doesn't understand the urgency of pizza and pajamas 🍕📱😅
Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.
Commentary:
Ready to tackle another week of accidentally-on-purpose failing like a pro! 😅🎉 #SelfSabotageChampion
Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?
Commentary:
I feel this in my soul…and my untoned abs! 😂🔥🍔
Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.
Commentary:
When did Monday become the dress rehearsal for the work week? 🤔🎭 #MondayMadness