Commentary:
"When I retire, my biggest campaign promise is to never set an alarm clock again! 🕰️😴 #VoteForSleep"
5673 Funny i quotes
Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.
Commentary:
"Looks like my brain called in sick but forgot to notify me! 🤦♂️🧠🤪"
I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.
Commentary:
"Taking 'a big monster on the course' a little too literally! ⛳🦖🌪️ #WindmillNemesis"
My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.
Commentary:
My pillow and I are in couples therapy! 😂😴🛏️
Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?
Commentary:
"Because at least sheep won't keep you up all night chasing solutions! 🐑😅 #TroubleSheeper"
“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.
Commentary:
"Forget milk, I'm just looking for a gallon of self-esteem! 🥛😅 #Priorities"
I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.
Commentary:
"Friendship: the longest-lasting Tupperware rental agreement! 🥳🥡🤣"
I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.
Commentary:
"Same here! I think I left my glass in the Twilight Zone. 🍷🤦♂️ #LostAndThirsty"
I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.
Commentary:
"G'day, mate! Nothing like a hearty kangaroo stew after a hopping good workout! 🥊🐨🥘"
Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.
Commentary:
"Wow, a box with a 20-year retirement plan! 🗃️📦✨ Who knew cardboard could be so future-focused? 😂 #BoxGoals"