Commentary:
Trying to figure out if I'm the CEO or just the office chair 🪑🤣
2117 Funny me quotes
That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.
Commentary:
When you and your belly form the ultimate kitchen band 🎶🥁🍲
The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're just two small details away from becoming a Finnish local! 😅🇫🇮🗣️💼
Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?
Commentary:
Espresso-ing my excitement for morning already! ☕😴✨
Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.
Commentary:
This has my voice, but not my actions! Misunderstood superhero in disguise! 🦸♂️🗣️
I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.
Commentary:
Drowning my responsibilities one drink at a time! 🍹😂
My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.
Commentary:
I used to win every game of "blow-the-fan-away" with my expert robot voice skills! 🤖🌀😂
Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.
Commentary:
Seems like you've got a deficiency! Don't worry, I'm available by prescription only 😂✨💊
The sexual tension between me and buying more books.
Commentary:
When you try to walk past a bookstore without going in but the books start whispering sweet nothings to your wallet 📚❤️🛍️
I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.
Commentary:
Sounds like a sizzlin' romance: crispy, tasty, and just a little dangerous! 🥓🔥❤️