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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Freshly posted on X:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Seen just now on Slack:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Spotted on Messenger:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Funny pub quotes

Funny pub quotes bring the perfect blend of laughter and good vibes to your favorite watering hole 🍻😂 Whether you’re unwinding with pals or just need a quick chuckle, these witty one-liners capture the spirit of great drinks and even better company 🍺🎉 Get ready to raise a glass and share some smiles with the funniest pub sayings around! 🍹😄

New funny pub quotes 👇

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

0

2 months ago

cute, dog, drive, driving, drunk, funny scenario, home, humor, me, pet, pub, rescue, scenario, teaching
Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

0

2 months ago

drinking, family, feed, humor, i, night, night out, owner, pub, responsibility, stop, tonight, wanted
Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

0

2 months ago

bar, Binks, drinks, franchise, humor, opening, pub, pun, star, Star Wars, wars
A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, area, bar, beer, developer, drink, drinking, drinks, expert, humor, nightclub, nightlife, place, place to drink, places, pub, seo, SEO expert, tavern, walk, web, web developer
Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

0

2 months ago

convenience, drinking, experience, feeling, fun, home, money, night, night out, nothing, pub, sure

All funny pub quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Threads this month:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

49 shares on X this month:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

48 shares on Threads this month:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,468

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Making waves on WeChat:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Just landed via Twitch:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Just landed via Twitch:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Live now on Instagram:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Breaking via Messenger:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

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