Commentary:
Turning every work email into a game of "Not It!" 😜📧🙅♂️
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”
Commentary:
Demon: "I've made a grave mistake." Me: "Welcome to the chaos, buddy!" 😈🤷♀️
I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.
Commentary:
If only being annoyed could lower my electric bill! 🔌😤⚡️
Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.
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Guess it takes a lot of rest to make those important non-decisions! 😂🛌🏛️
Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.
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Sounds like my life needs a "No Vacancy" sign for unexpected visitors 😂🚫🏠
Life is really sucking the life out of me.
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When life gives you lemons, it apparently sucks them dry before you even get a taste! 🍋🤔😅
This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.
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When your coffee needs its own coffee to function ☕😴💤
My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like your ex had a PhD in emotional GPS! 📉😂
Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.
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Ready to tackle another week of accidentally-on-purpose failing like a pro! 😅🎉 #SelfSabotageChampion
I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.
Commentary:
When I wake up, even my alarm clock gives me a standing ovation 😂⏰👏