Commentary:
Just tried, but my life settings menu glitched and only offers "Insane Mode"! 🎮😅✨
308 Funny self-deprecation quotes
I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.
Commentary:
Feeling ripe today, but give me a week and I'll be guac! 🥑🍷😅
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.
Commentary:
Just arrived at my destination: The Point. GPS signals lost, send snacks! 😄📍🍕
That stupid look on my face is my face.
Commentary:
When your face has a permanent contract with confusion 😂🤔🙃
I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.
Commentary:
Guess I missed my calling as a professional couch tester 😂🛋️🧠
“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.
Commentary:
"Sounds like a full-on emotional workout! 💪🧘♀️ If losing the plot was an Olympic sport, I'd take home gold! 🥇😅"
The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.
Commentary:
"Living that pajama princess life! 👑😴 #SlumberQueen"
Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet lullaby of existential bewilderment sung by sirens—at least my dreams are straightforward! 😵💫😂🌙"
“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.
Commentary:
"Forget milk, I'm just looking for a gallon of self-esteem! 🥛😅 #Priorities"