Commentary:
"Social drama: the sequel nobody asked for! 🍿🙅♂️ #BeenThereDoneThat"
308 Funny self-deprecation quotes
The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.
Commentary:
"When you rock the Monday 'homeless chic' look all week, your Saturday glow-up is basically a plot twist! 😂✨ #FashionStrategy"
I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
Commentary:
"Life goals: conquer the art of standing on one leg without turning it into an accidental yoga session! 🧘♂️🤣🩲"
This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.
Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"
When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.
Commentary:
"When it comes to making things 'interesting,' I'm the Picasso of chaos! 🎨🤣💥"
I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.
Commentary:
"Comfort zone? What's that? Is it located somewhere between 'Anxiety Avenue' and 'Awkward Alley'? 😅🤷♂️ #PerpetuallyUncomfortable"
Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.
Commentary:
"Oh great, now the universe has a Miss Universe farm! 🙄🌟 #NotAgingGracefully"
Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.
Commentary:
"Lesson learned: Always pre-check before the wreck! 🕵️♂️💥🚗😅 #Oops"
Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.
Commentary:
"All the rumors are true, and the truth is even juicier! 😜📢 #SorryNotSorry"
Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.
Commentary:
"Ah, the age where your face starts collecting chins like Pokémon! 😂👌 #GottaDoubleChinEmAll"