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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Making waves on Telegram:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Trending via Facebook:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Shared recently on Discord:

Overthinkaholic!

Breaking via Threads:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Going viral on WeChat:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Spotted on Messenger:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

88 Funny self-improvement quotes

More funny self-improvement quotes 👇

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

3 weeks ago

compliment, humor, improvement, lot, me, means, people, people pleaser, pleaser, recovering, self, self-improvement, someone, strict, today
I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

3 weeks ago

epiphany, every, humor, i, motivation, need, night, self-improvement, turn
Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

3 weeks ago

Bob, Bob Ross, forest, humor, minutes, myself, paint, ross, self, self-improvement, still, unfinished, work, work on self, working
Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

3 weeks ago

enough, escape, health, humor, i, identity, mental, mental health, need, new, passport, self-improvement, therapy, travel
Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

3 weeks ago

drinking, got, humor, lifestyle, self-improvement, sobriety, standard, standards, tired
Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

3 weeks ago

28-day, 28-day challenge, challenge, daily, daily goal, goal, humor, i, motivation, no-swearing, procrastination, restart, self-improvement, started, today, tomorrow
Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

3 weeks ago

body, full, humor, laziness, lord, me, motivation, potential, prayer, push, rest, self-improvement, year, year-end
Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

3 weeks ago

day, due, every, getting, humor, improvement, motivation, personal, personal reason, reason, reasons, self, self-improvement, strength

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All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

58 shares on Slack this month:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

12 shares on Threads this month:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Trending via Slack:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Just landed via TikTok:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Broadcasted on Discord:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Activity Log ✨

88 Funny self-improvement quotes

More funny self-improvement quotes 👇

All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨