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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 8733 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

549 Funny want quotes

Funny want quotes capture those moments when your desires are a little… over the top! 😆💭 Whether it’s wanting a lifetime supply of pizza, the perfect nap, or just one more day off, these quotes remind us that we all have *wants* — but some are definitely more hilarious than others. 🍕😴💸

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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