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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Shared recently on Messenger:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Breaking via Reddit:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Just landed via Reddit:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

2 months ago

0

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Hey boy, are you the sun? ☀️ Because just like the sun in summer, you were shining bright in my life ☀️🔥 But now, it feels like you've decided to take a vacation to the other side of the world without warning! 🌍😂 #MIA #SunOrBoy"

big, boy, connection, feel, feeling, i, life, missing, never, relationship, romance, summer, sun

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, anything, delivery, driver, humor, knock, misunderstanding, morning, ok, order, sure, us, wife, yesterday
I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

0

2 months ago

butter, confused, dairy, food, humor, preference, troubled
Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, ban, excuse, humor, irony, me, petition, political, request, sign
Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

0

2 months ago

chairs, design, ergonomics, humans, humor, know, people, questioning, sarcasm
Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

0

2 months ago

activity, after, ever, great, humor, jam, picking, relationship, sex, sitting, speed, traffic
My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

0

3 months ago

buy, food, food storage, fridge, grocery, home, humor, i, retirement, retirement home, soon, spoilage, storage

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Avocado is just green butter.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,297

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Trending via Threads:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Live now on Instagram:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Just landed via X:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Just landed via YouTube:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Making waves on X:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

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