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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Going viral on Threads:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Live now on Snapchat:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Seen just now on Telegram:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Witty text about taking a selfie to prove you're somewhere, humorous and playful.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Veni, vidi, selfie-ed! 📸 Conquering ancient lands or just exploring a new coffee shop? We've got to capture the moment for the 'gram, right? 😄 #ModernDayConqueror"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

51 shares on X this month:

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Men need women, women need men. The end.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,535

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Live now on Slack:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Just shared via Reddit:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Trending via Threads:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Freshly posted on X:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Live now on Telegram:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Breaking via TikTok:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Breaking via WeChat:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Going viral on Telegram:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

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