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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,866

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Just shared via Slack:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Live now on Messenger:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Going bananas on Discord:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Live now on X:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

3 hours ago

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Commentary:
When the tinsel starts jingling, my productivity starts crumbling 🎄😂🎅

celebration, conditions, distraction, festive, holiday, humor, i, productivity, under, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

1 month ago
discontent, enjoying, future, future husband, humor, husband, jealousy, marriage, nice, relationship, seeds, summer, wife
If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

1 month ago
broke, confidence, deserve, humor, me, money, relationship, self-worth, value
Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

1 month ago
humor, love, perception, think, tourist, unique
No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

1 month ago
age, empty, household, humor, kitchen, matter, observation, old, roll, telescope
No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

1 month ago
am, feeling, frustration, humor, i, long weekend, machine, meant, refreshed, trapped, weekend, work
I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

1 month ago
belief, believe, compliance, driving, humor, i, irony, law, obey, rule, time, traffic, traffic law

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Shared recently on Threads:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Spotted on X:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Just landed via YouTube:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

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Activity Log ✨

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

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I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏