I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

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Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

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It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

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Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

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Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

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According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

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At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

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Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

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You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

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My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.