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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Just shared via WeChat:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Trending via Reddit:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Making waves on WeChat:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Trending via Reddit:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finding fellow Spongebob speakers is like discovering a secret society of giggles under the sea! 🐠🤣🌊

communication, fandom, fluency, humor, i, love, people, reference, references, Spongebob

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

0

2 months ago

behavior, expectations, fairness, irony, people, relationships, treat, upset
I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

0

2 months ago

dating, fun, humor, marriage, marry, reason, relationship, secret, secret reason, third
Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

0

1 month ago

humor, insignificant, insignificant other, oh, relationship, sarcasm
I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

0

2 months ago

cheat, cheating, evasion, finance, humor, i, joke, money, pun, satire, sleeping, tax, tax evasion
“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

0

2 months ago

before, changes, communication, elegant, Friday, hear, humor, problems, solution, solve, work, work humor
Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

0

2 months ago

banking, customer, customer service, days, frustration, irony, me, money, refund, seconds, service, take

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Threads this month:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

61 shares on TikTok this month:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

90 shares on Threads this month:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

53 shares on Threads this month:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Just shared via Telegram:

I had too much to think last night.

Just landed via YouTube:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Spotted on Threads:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Making waves on Instagram:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Making waves on Instagram:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Just shared via Threads:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨