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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,516

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Just landed via Twitch:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Just shared via Threads:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a new self-care trend: "The Big Apple Misery Detox" 🍏😅🗽

change, city, city life, good, humor, i, life, life change, me, miserable, misery, move, need, new, New York, sarcasm, think, york

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

0

2 months ago

expectation, harmonica, humor, instrument, irony, joke, least, music, orchestra, think
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

0

4 days ago

chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week
First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, date, first date, funny idea, humor, i, idea, looking, me, rescue, situation, stuck, tree, window, Windows
Work for a living? In this economy?

0

2 months ago

economy, humor, job, living, sarcasm, struggle, work
I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

0

2 months ago

candy, diet, gaining, humor, joke, retention, sweets, weight
The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

0

2 months ago

child, classroom, honesty, i, need, parent, parents, realize, secret, share, thing, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on X this month:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

50 shares on Reddit this month:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

40 shares on YouTube this month:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Making waves on WeChat:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Shared recently on Threads:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Going bananas on Discord:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Making waves on Telegram:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Work for a living? In this economy?

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨