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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Shared recently on Twitch:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Just shared via Threads:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Just shared via X:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Just shared via YouTube:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

1 month ago

Playful quote about choosing cozy comfort over mischief, with a witty, humorous vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trading chaos for cozy vibes is my new favorite rebellion plan! 😴😈✨

bed, bedtime, cause, going, humor, i, laziness, mischief, night, procrastination, tonight

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29 shares on Facebook this month:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

63 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

65 shares on Facebook this month:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Going viral on Reddit:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Seen just now on TikTok:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Trending via Snapchat:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨