Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,262

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

Live now on Messenger:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Trending via Discord:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

Going viral on Instagram:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Just shared via TikTok:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Just shared via YouTube:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Just landed via Reddit:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Just landed via X:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just waiting for Bob Ross to pop up and start narrating! 🌲🖌️😴"

humor, joke, landscape, meeting, office, pacing, painting, productivity, sarcastic, satire, slow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

0

2 months ago

art, conversation, diplomacy, forward, hell, humor, journey, politics, relationships, sarcasm, someone, wit
Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

0

2 months ago

academic, article, claims, cool, ever, found, humor, irony, joke, perfectly, research, scholarly, sex, topic
Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

0

2 months ago

camping, disappear, disappearing, fear, humor, inside, mind, never, sight, spider, surprise, tent, unexpected
I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

0

2 months ago

best, date, even, friend, high, high school, humor, i, imaginary, imaginary friend, life, loneliness, prom, school, social, social life
Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

0

2 months ago

aging, changes, complaining, getting, humor, interaction, less, life, life changes, means, older, people, perspective, social, social interaction, talking
If I were you, I would rather be me.

0

2 months ago

advice, humor, i, identity, me, perspective, self, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Slack this month:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

96 shares on X this month:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

23 shares on X this month:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Making waves on X:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Just landed via Telegram:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Making waves on Twitch:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Trending via Slack:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Shared recently on WeChat:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨