If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?