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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Trending via Pinterest:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Breaking via TikTok:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Trending via Discord:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Breaking via TikTok:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Trending via WeChat:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Just shared via Twitch:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

2 months ago

0

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the good ol' days when rainbows were in black and white 🌈⚫⚪! Must have been quite the sight to see a grayscale spectrum stretching across the sky. It's like living in a world where Technicolor hadn't been invented yet! Time sure does bring some colorful changes, doesn't it? 😄🌧️

black, black and white, enough, humor, memory, nostalgia, old, rainbow, remember, white

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

0

2 months ago

accept, acceptance, comparison, cooky, days, family, fight, grandma, humor, i, just, protest, technology, website
It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

0

1 week ago

12, book, book lover, bookshelf, buy, days, Funny, humor, lover, procrastination, read, reading, sometimes, time
Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

0

2 months ago

guacamole, humor, hyperbole, language, pronunciation, wordplay
THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

0

2 months ago

3, achievement, activity, announce, announcement, celebration, days, event, fun, fun activity, gathering, gatherings, i, Ironman, social, social gathering, thrill, thrilled, weekend
Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

0

2 months ago

Facebook, humor, media, own, pass, procrastination, social, social media, time
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

0

2 months ago

crown, humor, inside, motivation, pineapple, positivity, self-confidence, stand, stand tall, sweet, tall, wear, wear crown

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

11 shares on Discord this month:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being strange is exhausting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Making waves on Instagram:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Just shared via Facebook:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Trending via Messenger:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Going viral on Discord:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Just landed via Telegram:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

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