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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,305

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Breaking via X:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Trending via Pinterest:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Trending via Instagram:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Spotted on Telegram:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Live now on Reddit:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Shared recently on Threads:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Making waves on YouTube:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Just shared via Discord:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about humorous customer service exchange, playful and amusing in tone.

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Commentary:
Sure thing! "Just one simple request: can you make my coffee unspillable? 😂☕️"

anything, assistance, complaint, customer, customer service, else, frustration, humor, i, just, me, sarcasm, service, thanks, thing, today

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on TikTok this month:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

71 shares on Discord this month:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

39 shares on Threads this month:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I am thick and tired.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Trending via Slack:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Trending via TikTok:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Making waves on Snapchat:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Just landed via TikTok:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Going viral on WeChat:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Just landed via TikTok:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Spotted on Messenger:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Just landed via Reddit:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Trending via Slack:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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