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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

How did Satoshi write the code of Bitcoin before Claude?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Spotted on Discord:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Live now on Facebook:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Trending via YouTube:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Making waves on Slack:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

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Commentary:
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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Threads this month:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

97 shares on Discord this month:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

25 shares on Reddit this month:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Just landed via Slack:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Just landed via Discord:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Trending via YouTube:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Just landed via Facebook:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Just landed via Twitch:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Breaking via Instagram:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Going viral on Slack:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

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