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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Shared recently on X:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Making waves on X:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Trending via Messenger:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Just landed via Threads:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Going viral on Instagram:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like you're a comedian in training, where the first step is to get everyone to laugh at… everything but your jokes! 😂🎭

difference, folks, humor, joke, jokes, laugh, main, me, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

0

2 months ago

bigger, expectation, funny observation, humor, i, joke, lot, microbiologist, observation, once, science, size
Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

0

2 months ago

frustration, human, humans, humor, life, meant, modern, modern life, password, security, technology
Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

0

2 months ago

challenges, cowshed, humor, life, metaphor, next, perspective, step, struggle, turd
The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

0

2 months ago

argument, end, fight, fun, humor, internet, mayonnaise, media, online, online argument, post, social, social media
For Halloween, I will be okay.

0

2 months ago

Halloween, holiday, humor, i, okay, reassurance
The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

0

2 months ago

baby, candy, childhood, everyday, everyday humor, humor, irony, opposite, parenting, playful, putting, safety, sunscreen, taking, toddler

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Discord this month:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

67 shares on Threads this month:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

39 shares on Discord this month:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

47 shares on Slack this month:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Just landed via Instagram:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Just shared via TikTok:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Going viral on Facebook:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Going viral on Messenger:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Breaking via Slack:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

For Halloween, I will be okay.

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨