Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

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I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

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Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

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I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

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Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

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The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

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I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

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Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

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Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

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It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.