Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

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Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

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One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

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Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

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Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

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“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

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Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

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The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

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Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!