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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Just shared via Messenger:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Going viral on YouTube:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Going viral on X:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Spotted on Telegram:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

0
Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the nickname police from HR is cracking down! 🚨🕵️‍♂️ Say goodbye to all the fun and creativity at work! 🙄 Looks like we'll have to stick to boring old first names now. RIP creativity in the workplace! 😂👔

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

23 shares on Discord this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear Santa, Money!

89 shares on Facebook this month:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,543

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Seen just now on Slack:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Going viral on Facebook:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Just shared via Slack:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Going viral on Instagram:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Going bananas on X:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Making waves on Threads:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Trending via Instagram:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

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