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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Just shared via Twitch:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Just landed via X:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Breaking via Discord:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Those tater tots better watch out, looks like trouble ahead! 🥔😄 Stay crispy, little tots!"

compliment, humor, joke, nice, potato, pun, shame, someone, tater, tots, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

0

2 months ago

dental, dental extraction, extraction, forgot, glitch, God, humor, idea, just, modern, modern technology, patch, pull, random, technology, teeth, tooth, wisdom, wisdom tooth
I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

0

3 months ago

body, calorie, diet, eating, food, humor, i, knows, love, metabolism, never, once, starvation, surprise
I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

0

2 months ago

back, bro, chef, cooking, food, frustration, hate, humor, i, kitchen, later, meal, pan, recipe, something, staying, take, tell
Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

0

2 months ago

always, away, call, communication, distance, ever, friendship, humor, just, me, need, need me, phone, phone call, remember, reminder, text, texts, unread, unread text
By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, change, communication, conversation, cue, discomfort, feel, going, humor, i, interview, job, job interview, moment, second, social, social cue, subject, subject change
At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

0

2 months ago

bible, drugs, humor, interpretation, irony, point, religion, sell, single, tell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

54 shares on Slack this month:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

56 shares on Slack this month:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Spotted on Pinterest:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Going viral on Instagram:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Breaking via Slack:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Going viral on WeChat:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨