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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Just landed via YouTube:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Breaking via Instagram:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

4 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about self-improvement and content creation with a humorous twist.

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Commentary:
"When life gives you flaws, turn them into plot twists! 😂📚 #UnfinishedMasterpiece"

better, confidence, content, content creation, creation, humor, i, media, motivation, myself, procrastination, self-improvement, social, social media, working

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100 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Making waves on Telegram:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Just shared via Threads:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Going bananas on Threads:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Breaking via Instagram:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Just shared via Twitch:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

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Activity Log ✨

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨