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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Just landed via YouTube:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Just landed via Threads:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Trending via Threads:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Just shared via YouTube:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Just shared via Telegram:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Making waves on TikTok:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

4 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about self-improvement and content creation with a humorous twist.

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Commentary:
"When life gives you flaws, turn them into plot twists! 😂📚 #UnfinishedMasterpiece"

better, confidence, content, content creation, creation, humor, i, media, motivation, myself, procrastination, self-improvement, social, social media, working

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Discord this month:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

46 shares on Twitch this month:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Spotted on Threads:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Going viral on Instagram:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Breaking via Messenger:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Broadcasted on X:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Going viral on Twitch:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

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Activity Log ✨

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨