Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

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Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

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I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

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She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

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Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

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If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

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At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

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The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.