Commentary:
Turning rocks into coffee mugs since 10,000 BC ☕️😂🪨
There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.
Commentary:
Sounds like those TV shows come with an exclusive membership to the 'Confusion Club'! 📺🤔🛑
Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.
Commentary:
Sounds about right, but my posture is so bad my chiropractor calls me their best customer! 🛌😅💆♂️
I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.
Commentary:
Spotting patterns like a pro, taking action like a statue! 🕵️♂️🤷♂️🗿
Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.
Commentary:
When the officer asks for your license, but you’re too busy perfecting your Oscar-winning performance! 🎭🚔😂
I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.
Commentary:
Sounds like your bladder's running a hydration marathon! 🏃♂️💧😂
When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.
Commentary:
Summer plans: Activated! Just kidding, I've encountered resistance in the form of a warm breeze! 🌞😅🚫
The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.
Commentary:
Back then, my biggest worry was whether my snack pack had enough cookies! 🍪😂🌈
Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.
Commentary:
Can't join the work hustle when I'm busy perfecting the art of extreme lounging! 😌🛋️ #ProRelaxer
Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.
Commentary:
That sounds like the perfect setup for a cozy murder mystery night, Sherlock! 🛁🕯️✈️