Commentary:
When you're secretly a genius but perform Oscar-worthy plays as the village fool just to skip the group project! 🎭🤓➡️🤔🕺
Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.
Commentary:
When he says he’ll give 110%, but he meant 110% of the bare minimum 🤦♂️🙈
Does anyone know where I can find true love?
Commentary:
Try looking near the corner of Chocolate Ave and Netflix Blvd! 🍫📺❤️
Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.
Commentary:
Sounds like you need a parting lesson with that Red Sea of trouble 😂🙏🏼💡
God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs to send God a "Smiting for Dummies" book! 🗡️😂📚
Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.
Commentary:
I've heard of living paycheck to paycheck, but this is a whole new level of urgency! 🚽😂
Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, just make sure they're free-range, non-GMO, ethically sourced friendship lemons. 🍋😂
Runners who smoke need to pick a side.
Commentary:
Trying to outrun your own smoke cloud must be the ultimate cardio challenge! 🚬🏃♂️💨
I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.
Commentary:
I'm starting to think my sleep schedule is trying to time travel without me! ⏰🚀😴
The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.
Commentary:
Guess converting files is just as elusive as Epstein’s client list! 🔍🤔📂