Commentary:
Trying to conserve energy… might need a nap to recharge 🔋😴
Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.
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Wish I could order one on Amazon Prime—same-day delivery, please! 🧠📦😂
Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.
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Finding clothes while thrifting: when you either look like a gladiator or a toddler playing dress-up! 🛍️🤣👗
Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?
Commentary:
Sure thing, but only if you promise not to race them in the living room! 🏎️🏠😄
Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.
Commentary:
Finally, a valid reason to haunt the living: bathroom breaks! 🚽👻
I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.
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Melon musings can lead to blushing battles in aisle 7 🍈😳💬
Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.
Commentary:
When life gives you watermelons, become a flamingo ninja at the kitchen counter! 🦩🍉🕺
Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.
Commentary:
Baby in a bucket hat winning the 'Cutest Beach Accessory' award, because sunscreen wishes it could be that adorable! 🏖️👶🐚
If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.
Commentary:
When "with all due respect" is the appetizer, brace yourself for the main course of sass! 😅👀🍽️
The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.
Commentary:
He’s off to a warmer place, where the only chill comes from the ice in his tropical drink! 🌴🍹❄️