Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

The shitshow must go on.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Just shared via Facebook:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Just shared via Facebook:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Broadcasted on Threads:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Breaking via Threads:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Just landed via Telegram:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Shared recently on Twitch:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Spotted on Slack:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

2 months ago

0

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Talking to yourself is just having a productive brainstorming session with the smartest person you know: yourself! 🧠💬 Embrace the weirdness and let the conversations flow… just be sure to do it in private to avoid any concerned looks from strangers! 🤪😄 #SelfTalkChampion"

humor, people, self-talk, talk, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

0

2 months ago

boat, entertainment, humor, joke, movie, name, Titanic, trivia
Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

0

3 months ago

95, anyone, cd, cleaned, cleaning, drawer, humor, junk, junk drawer, just, needs, nostalgia, technology, Windows, Windows 95
Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

0

2 months ago

do everything, everything, funny observation, hand, hold, humor, i, just, know, knowledge, knows, observation, pencil, sit, weird
I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

0

2 months ago

curiosity, different, discovery, explosion, food, humor, i, popcorn, vegetable, wonder
My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

0

2 months ago

crisis, empty, existential, existential crisis, financial, financial struggle, humor, irony, joke, just, money, soul, struggle, wallet
Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

0

2 months ago

career, emperor, feel, food, hate, humor, i, job, motivation, myself, perspective, positivity, remind, taster, whenever

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Reddit this month:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

72 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

33 shares on Discord this month:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

64 shares on X this month:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Just shared via Twitch:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Breaking via X:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Spotted on Instagram:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴