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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,943

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Seen just now on Discord:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Just shared via YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Just shared via Threads:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone put their cereal before their sense of order! 🥣🥛😂

before, breakfast, cereal, humor, meant, milk, mistake, morning, morning routine, relationship, routine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

2 months ago

application, ask, being, choose, employment, exploitation, humor, i, job, job application, job search, love, salary, search, work
Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

1 month ago

boss, communication, distraction, humor, knows, office, saying, strategy, stuff, thinking, walks, work
I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

1 month ago

believe, i, life, me, nap, someone, take, time
Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

1 month ago

conversation, fun, just, media, reply, self-talk, social, social media, someone, sometimes, talk, Twitter, yourself
The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

1 month ago

activity, diddly, doing, even, exercise, fitness, humor, laziness, only, squat, today
You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

2 months ago

achievement, activity, cool, finish, finished, fitness, half, humor, marathon, things, too

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Going viral on Twitch:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Just landed via Slack:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Trending via Instagram:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

I had too much to think last night.

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Life update: it’s getting worse.

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She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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