Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,579

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Going viral on Threads:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Just shared via Slack:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Just landed via Pinterest:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Making waves on Telegram:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Spotted on X:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Trending via Telegram:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone put their cereal before their sense of order! 🥣🥛😂

before, breakfast, cereal, humor, meant, milk, mistake, morning, morning routine, relationship, routine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

2 months ago

awareness, humor, irony, life, ruining, sarcasm, self-aware, thanks
Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

5 months ago

able, anger, being, drama, flip, flip phone, frustration, humor, miss, nostalgia, phone, shut
I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

2 months ago

comedy, frustration, hate, humor, i, irony, parody, reality, satire
May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

2 months ago

animals, attitude, behavior, children, courtesy, exactly, humor, kindness, life, manners, patience, respect, same, sarcasm, senior, social, social behavior, store, treat
I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

3 months ago

bed, bedtime, blanky, club, club bed, dj, DJ Pillow, humor, mc, MC Blanky, pillow, relaxation, sleep
I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

2 months ago

account, am, create, create account, frustration, humor, i, online, technology, tyranny, under

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

44 shares on Discord this month:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

52 shares on X this month:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

88 shares on Discord this month:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Seen just now on Messenger:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Spotted on X:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Going viral on Instagram:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Making waves on Discord:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Making waves on Slack:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Going bananas on Discord:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Just shared via Instagram:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Going viral on WeChat:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨