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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,335

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Making waves on Twitch:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Just landed via X:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Seen just now on Messenger:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Live now on Twitch:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Breaking via Slack:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Oops, Pandora's inbox got opened, and now we're all stuck in a never-ending loop of cat memes and unsolicited opinions! 🐱📢😂

chance, communication, everyone, internet, media, mistake, opinion, platform, social, social media, voice

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

0

2 months ago

after, careful, caution, everyone, experience, fall, humor, irony, relatable, slip, warning
Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

0

2 months ago

alone, apartment, crazy, crazy idea, go insane, going, humor, idea, insane, lighthouse, living, living alone, save, save up
Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

0

2 months ago

complain, fingered, humor, irony, moan, relationship, size, why, women
Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, attack, before, drink, drinking, eat, food, health, humor, i, joke, know, liquor, liver, parody, prevention
Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

0

2 months ago

billionaire, hell, humor, irony, money, sarcasm, saving, wealth, weird
It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

0

2 months ago

cremated, exaggeration, going, heat, hot, humor, i, joke, summer, temperature, thought, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

43 shares on Slack this month:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Spotted on X:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Seen just now on Instagram:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Just landed via YouTube:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨