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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,343

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Spotted on Telegram:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Spotted on Instagram:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a threat disguised as free therapy! 😂🔍

annoyance, awareness, behavior, bothering, humor, i, inform, interaction, me, observation, pattern, people, personality, social, social interaction, stop, tell, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

0

2 months ago

bea, embarrassing, family, fight, Germans, grandad, humor, last, Normandy, summer, war
My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

0

2 months ago

dad, degree, education, family, humor, joke, license, philosophy, sarcasm, unemployment
This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

0

2 months ago

challenges, humor, kidney, kidney stone, life, life challenges, pain, pass, perseverance, stone, this too shall pass
Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

0

2 months ago

breakup, ex, humor, jealousy, love, relationship, sarcasm, thinking
Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

0

2 months ago

complaint, hours, humor, job, just, office, show, sometimes, stress, torture, work
Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

0

2 months ago

actually, character, emotional, emotional support, Gollum, humor, lord, Lord of the Rings, meme, precious, rings, support

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

88 shares on Discord this month:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

91 shares on Slack this month:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Trending via Twitch:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Making waves on Discord:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Just shared via Threads:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Going bananas on Messenger:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Making waves on TikTok:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨