The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

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The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

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Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

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I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

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Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

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Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

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Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

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Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.