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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Just shared via Pinterest:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Going viral on WeChat:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Just shared via WeChat:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Just shared via X:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Going viral on YouTube:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

Going bananas on Twitch:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

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The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.
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Commentary:
This sounds like my New Year's resolution: endless dessert and zero regrets! 🍰🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a vessel for various dips.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,238

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Just shared via Twitch:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Breaking via Telegram:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

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