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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

26 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Making waves on Reddit:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Just shared via Discord:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Shared recently on Threads:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Making waves on Telegram:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Just shared via TikTok:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Reported on Messenger:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Going viral on Telegram:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

6 months ago

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal debate between the vampire hunters and the vampire gatherers! 🦇 While the hunters are out there with their stakes and garlic, the gatherers are happily inviting blood-sucking creatures to tea parties. ☕️ Who knew the undead could be so picky about who they hang out with? 🧛‍♂️ #TeamGatherers #LifeOfTheParty"

comedy, entertainment, gatherer, humor, hunter, movie, satire, too, vampire

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

26 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Seen just now on Threads:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Going viral on Messenger:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Seen just now on Threads:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

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