Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Spotted on Pinterest:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Just landed via Instagram:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Going viral on Pinterest:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like my contact list is a secret genealogy of modern professions and eternal warnings! 📞😂🔌❌

always, Anglo, answer, contacts, electric, humor, i, just, landlord, Mike, name, names, phone, phone contacts, phones, realization, surname

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

0

2 months ago

everything, fun, humor, i, irony, marvelous, marvelous time, ruining, sarcasm, time
These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

0

2 months ago

birthday, calendar, days, Facebook, fun, humor, i, media, online, social, social media, technology
Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

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2 months ago

anxiety, fast, fitness, health, humor, metabolism, speed, wish
If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

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2 months ago

award, else, home, homebody, humor, ID, laziness, me, pick, pick-up, procrastination, send, someone, staying, staying at home, win
I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

0

2 months ago

big, bladder, cancel, humor, i, morning, plans, sleep, today, wake, wake up
I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

0

2 months ago

chef, cook, cooking, cooking fail, dinner, fail, food, humor, kitchen, mess, pan

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

14 shares on Discord this month:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

85 shares on Discord this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Spotted on TikTok:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Breaking via TikTok:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Just landed via TikTok:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Trending via Threads:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨