Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Making waves on Slack:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Seen just now on Discord:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Soul merger approved! 🚀🌀 Let's get this weird party started! 🎉👽

connection, humor, me, merge, merge soul, quirky, relationship, soul, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

0

2 months ago

age, bartender, changes, counter, drinking, humor, i, know, life, life changes, me, name, pharmacist, recognition, walk, younger
Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

0

4 days ago

cut, even, hand, hand sanitizer, health, humor, hygiene, joke, know, pain, sanitizer
I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

0

2 months ago

girl, girls, humor, i, individuality, media, podcast, social, social media, stereotypes
I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

0

2 months ago

annoying, humor, i, lock, lock screen, phone, screen, self-image, selfie
Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

0

2 months ago

again, blink, calendar, every, frustration, humor, i, live, loop, Monday, monotony, repetition, routine, time, time loop, weekly, weekly routine
I would rather lose you than the argument.

0

2 months ago

argument, banter, conflict, humor, lose, priorities, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Slack this month:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

97 shares on Threads this month:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

71 shares on Slack this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

74 shares on X this month:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

74 shares on X this month:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

23 shares on Slack this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Trending via YouTube:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Going viral on Reddit:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Trending via TikTok:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Just shared via Pinterest:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Going bananas on Threads:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Breaking via Instagram:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Spotted on Discord:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨