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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1696 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,858

Funny Quotes Topics

14,679

Funny Quotes Images

11,858

1 minute ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on WhatsApp:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Shared recently on YouTube:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Seen just now on Telegram:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Spotted on YouTube:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Just landed via Threads:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Trending via Twitch:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Trending via Snapchat:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Seen just now on Slack:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

4 months ago

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

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Commentary:
Ah, the joys of the modern age! 📺💻 Welcome to your 40s, where managing your streaming services becomes an extreme sport. It's like a never-ending game of digital hide-and-seek, except the only thing hiding is your forgotten passwords! 🤦‍♂️💻 Don't worry, you're not alone in this struggle – here's to embracing technology with open arms and a confused expression. 🤷‍♀️ #StreamingService

4, 40s, adulthood, entertainment, humor, memory, only, password, pay, remember, service, services, streaming, streaming service, subscription, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1696 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,858

Funny Quotes Topics

14,679

Funny Quotes Images

11,858

1 minute ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Spotted on Reddit:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My favorite color is money.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Trending via Pinterest:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Seen just now on Slack:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Live now on Facebook:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Trending via Slack:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Live now on YouTube:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

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