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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,305

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Making waves on TikTok:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Seen just now on Facebook:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Making waves on YouTube:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Live now on Discord:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Just landed via Facebook:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

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Why can’t more dumb people be shy?
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Commentary:
"Why can't more dumb people be shy? 🤫 Well, because then the world would run out of confident entertainers and reality TV stars! 🌟🤪"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Facebook this month:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

41 shares on WeChat this month:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,586

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Just shared via Facebook:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Just landed via Reddit:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Going bananas on Slack:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Trending via Discord:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

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